go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
