I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
