her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
