I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
