I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
