i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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