our cab driver is having phone sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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