five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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