i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
