I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
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you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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