I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
