then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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