Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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