Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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