she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
