In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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