My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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