If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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