My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
