After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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