If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
