I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
