my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
