There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
