Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
