just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
