She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
