Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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