You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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