I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
