I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
