definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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