chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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