People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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