After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
