We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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