he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
