i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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