I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
