it hurts more in the daytime
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
