It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
