so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize