My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
