Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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