have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
