Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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