Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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