I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize