He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
