We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
