I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
