You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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