i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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