We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is Oprah even human
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize