i think i have herpe
just one?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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