i permit you to call me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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