Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
