Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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