I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
