I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
