So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
