im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
