It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize