I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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