mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
