The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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