I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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