so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sacagawea was the original milf.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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